Monday, July 1, 2013

Faith Over Fear

Last night a dust storm warning appeared on my phone. Being 30 minutes away from home, I was really scared because I have never driven under such conditions.

I was afraid of the unclear future.

As I jumped in my car to rush home, the blinding light of dust initially shocked me and the wind required a vigilant hand on the wheel. As I drove nervously alone on the freeway I realized I dealt with worse driving conditions.

Let's go back a couple months.

Twas' mid December 2012. My last final was done, things at work were all squared away, it was time to hop on a plane and escape the coldest winter I had endured at BYU and get my frozen butt unthawed in AZ.

My roommate and I left at 5:30 that morning and one step outside revealed the craziest blizzard I had seen yet in the four years of my college career.

So we drove. In pitch dark, unable to see more than four inches on a freeway. Six inches of snow attacking the windows.
Growing up in sunny Arizona, I never drove in five-six inches of pounding snow. I had a timeframe which I needed to get to the airport. And we were driving 20 miles per hour, which would add an hour that I did not possess. Cue panic.

The snow was so bad I wasn't sure if we were going to make my flight. Or make it with sliding and hydroplaning for that manner. This was the most terrifying drive I had ever done.

I remember my anxiety was ready to take over the situation because I was so afraid of not being able to see in front of me and so many unknown dangers.

And then my ward's Relief Society theme came to mind. The one I even proposed to our president, "Faith Over Fear."

And I remembered this video:

All I could think about was how I was literally stuck in the fog, and all I could see was the two feet ahead of me, and I realized that I had to have faith that God would safely carry us through that weather.

I had to have faith in only the two steps of visible sight ahead. 

My roommate and I made it through the snowstorm, we did hydroplane once, but not for long. I jumped out of my car into the snow and ran the entire way to my gate.

I recount this to you now because since Fall semester of my senior year started, I've been only able to see two steps ahead in my life. I had a huge fear of moving back home and working at some job that was obviously not in the entertainment field and not in California or New York. I was convinced in my mind that anything else was failure.

I didn't know if I was going to meet somebody my senior year and get married like I always thought would happen when I was a kid. I didn't know where I was going to end up interning. I didn't know where I was going to move to. I was afraid to leave BYU alone.

Each month unraveled and nothing I planned was working out. As my life seemed to have an inevitable expiration date, I felt like I failed at all the goals in my life: work in the music industry, marry my eternal companion, be ready to run a second half-marathon in the year, move to the west coast. I felt like I was in a blizzard where I couldn't see. I was in a dust storm with only a glimpse of lightning in the fog.

I had never felt so afraid of the future. With a busted rib, disappointment in dating, and no networking connections out in California, I had hit bottom, and it was time to trust in God's plan instead of my train wreck.

It was time to let faith in God take over my fear of the future. 

I demonstrated my faith by my actions. I would take those two steps forward into the fog. I would focus on driving in a straight path amidst all the chaos floating around me.

And I was guided until the end of the year where I prayed to finally get an answer because I couldn't take no path anymore. And it came.

So here I am, working at an creative agency (which I thought I would NEVER work in an agency) and loving it, living at my parent's house replenishing my bank account, and ((mostly) happily) single.

I am so grateful God gave me this plan instead of what I wanted for myself.

I don't know what will happen next, I freaked out this week again. I freaked out about job security and being single forever and having no idea what was coming next.

But the dust storm reminded me to trust God's plan. I still am living in fog, the future is very unclear right now. But I know the best thing will work out, and I will catch my flight soon.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10


  1. I seriously love this post so much. I had those exact thoughts when I left BYU and so many times since. It was good for me to hear it in someone else's words as I'm getting ready to up and drive to California and not have any idea what's coming in even the next month or two. Brave words!

  2. Good luck in California. It's funny, because your story has been equally inspiring to me lately.