Thursday, November 14, 2013

An Overdue Goodbye

Hey Hipster,

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep not letting people in because I don't want them to replace those feelings. I can't keep believing that my first love would be my last. It was a beautiful thought that I think some traces might still ring true, but you're not my last love, you're not a soul-mate, you're not my best friend anymore and you're not a scar that never heals.

You were a beacon of light in my heart that's continuing to dim. If I don't give that light to others than I will shrivel away. I will love again fearlessly. I've begun to take risks again - and perhaps messed up and fallen in the process. But I won't keep going back to you when I fall - I will move forward.

Perhaps the timing is stupid and ridiculous, but hey, you were my first love, and you know the saying, "You never really ever get over your first love?" Well, I'm a firm believer in making the impossible happen. And though the timing isn't ideal, the timing is right.

I will not think about you anymore. I will finish filling our "spots" with new or different memories. I will not compare any guys to you, I will not wish they were you, I will not even dare think of the could-haves. I will not replay any memories in my head and let them only remain in pen. I thought about burning the last physical memories of our relationship, but I decided they wouldn't smell so good and they have other practical uses - so instead I'm burning a letter - because that was one way I declared my love for you, and it's how I'm declaring my un-love. Promise, I will never look back.

I'm letting go now.  I let you go physically a long time ago, and now it's time the thoughts, the ideas and feelings go too.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. You are my comfort zone. And it's time to live again.


  1. Ohhhh yes. I am so glad that instagram led me to this post, I need to come around here more often. I can't even pick a favorite part of this because I'm pretty sure I could copy and paste the entire post and send it (uh, metaphorically) to a guy I dated last year. You nailed so many of the feelings. Thumbs up. Also, I think I heard you'll be living with Nabeha soon...? That girl is a riot.

  2. You have my permission to copy and paste if it pleases you. :)

    Also, yes, Nabeha and I will be roommates a month from today. Crazy shenanigans will ensue.

  3. I needed this so much tonight. Holy cow. You have good words.