A Runner's Ode

This story traces back to Ancient Greece when the famous Runner of Marathon, Pheidippides, ran the first marathon. After the Grecians in Marathon kicked Persia's butt, the Greeks asked Pheidippides if he would sprint over to Athens and share the news of victory. When the weary people of Marathon asked their official runner if he had the capacity to travel 26.2 miles, Pheidippides told his home-slices, "Don't worry, I got this."

And so he ran. Mile 9.6 Sparta. Mile 13.2 Mount Parthenium. Come Mile 25 the Runner of Marathon felt the battle with Persia catching up with him. Legs giving out, body seething in pain, that's when old Pheidippides pulled out his iPod and began blasting his surefire tune to help him finish the race.

As the lyrics, "The time has come to make things right, You and I must fight for our rights, You and I must fight to survive," weary Pheidippides found enough strength to make it to the finish.

As he ran up the steps to Athens and his legs were throbbing and sobbing, a congregation of people gathered around him to hear the runner's news. Mile 26.2, Pheidippides collapsed on the ground.  

"Tell us, oh Runner of Marathon, what have you come to share with us?" Asked Socrates. 

Gasping his last breath, the Runner of Marathon said, "No one's gonna take me alive." 

Then, he died. 

...

And that's why Muse's "Knights of Cydonia" is the best running song in the history of ever.