I had a great weekend.
I reached domestic goddess status with the wheat tortilla ( I would like to thank Camille for getting me Mom's recipe, mom for the recipe, and Bryn for preventing me from screwing up the delicate chemistry of baking). I slept for ten and a half hours Friday night, revived my cabinet with grocery shopping, and ate very well.
I wrote love notes to practically everybody in the ward. I laughed so hard with my friends, yes friend, in the ward and had many great laughs. I had a real conversation with some guys in my ward and felt like a person instead of an object. Then I went to a game night at somebody's apartment and had a great time with so many people.
So what changed?
I got a blessing from Brother A and explained to him my frustration in the ward. I've opened up to people in the ward about the doubts I'm working through. I stopped focusing on the people who weren't my friends and focused on the people who are and I realized how much joy they bring me. I realized that people here do care about me, and that I'm not any less of a person on the weekends. I had a change of heart to reach out to people and a desire to love them. I need them, and they need me. I also remembered that I'm a likeable person, and it's not so much what I do but how I respond sometimes.
Yeah, I'm really happy tonight. The rest of life is looking pretty good as long as I focus on what's important and keep my attitude in the right place. I'm adjusting my priorities and reinforcing what I believe in, and it's bringing me joy again.