Thursday, June 12, 2014

A Study in Dark Chocolate

BREAKING: A new study shows that blondes with green eyes who run half marathons, play violin, and work at marketing agencies have an addiction to super dark chocolate. 

Scientists from the Nessie Alliance in Scotland conducted a study, the results of which demonstrate that the delicious substance in the mouth provides 110 percent satisfaction to this demographic. 

In the study, participants' tongues were tested with one of three types of chocolate: One was 80 percent cacao Lindt bar, the second was dark chocolate covered fruit from Costco, and the third was "Death By Chocolate" cake. Of the three substances tested, participants found  whichever had the highest percentage of cacao the best. Observers also found an instant 1000 percent increase in overall happiness and content for life in the participants after consuming any of these three samples. 

Scientists believe that this addictive behavior is caused by a long stemming genetic history of Belgian, French and Dutch ancestry. Nessie Sympathesizers Gazette also points out that this could explain why this group has a "purist cultist" mentality and a propensity to struggle to engage in a conversation about chocolate with consumers who prefer 55 percent or lower cacao ratings. 

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