Sunday, June 9, 2013

Hold on to your heart

It happened again today. I don't want to go into details, but I had to stop and go through my thoughts and feelings recently and evaluate what was causing the root of my problems.

I realized that I struggle to believe I can be fully accepted and loved. I am really good at rejecting help, I shut others out because I'm afraid to appear vulnerable.

Perhaps it goes back to elementary school. When I used to get made fun of because I "breathed weird," when all I really needed was acceptance after moving 600 miles away from my friends. Perhaps it goes back to junior high, when I was made fun of for my art by some guys with deeper insecurities than me, which art was almost my entire life at that point. Or maybe when I got threatened to be beaten up by fat girls in gym because I was quiet and uncool. Or when my church leader said I was too weird to ever get married.  Or when some stupid girl made fun of me for standing up for what's right. Perhaps it was in high school when the boy I liked and thought was my best friend chose popularity over me.

But they are all wrong. And they probably don't know what they did to me, but I remember. They were all wrong about me. All the parts of me are beautiful, inside and out. I am completely capable of being loved and am loved. And will be loved in my entirety. 

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