Monday, November 18, 2013

Missing Steps

A letter of closure for a certain person: 

I am not a believer in coincidence: I believe everything has a purpose.

So when I had a staircase accident a half hour after I discovered that you had passed away I knew God was telling me something. Your life was taken in such an easy, quiet and quick manner that as soon as everything went black and all I could feel was pain, it felt like God was smacking me in the face (or, you know, the rib), letting me know that life is incredibly fragile.

With a close encounter with death and a trip to the emergency room, a new sense of sight was given to me and I realized what was truly important in this mortal life.

I felt really bad about the last encounter I had with you -- I gave you a dagger stare and cut you off the sidewalk in passing just weeks before I wouldn't ever have to experience irritation of running into you on campus. What you did to me I struggled to forgive for a very long time. And though I came to written terms with you about what you said to me, how you tried to belittle every part of me, how you triggered years of repressed self-doubt and anxiety, the sight of you always got under my skin.

I am sorry I did that. I am sorry for this entire situation that ensued between you and I. What has been important is that you're not a victim of your circumstances anymore and you do not have to experience any more pain from the things that caused both you and all those around you pain, and that I am grateful that God gave both of us peace after it subsided. Happiness returned. And I feel spiritually that I have come to peace with that and have both given and received forgiveness.

I don't hate you anymore, and you were the only person I can truly ever say I really hated. This barely crosses my mind anymore due to the powerful gift of forgiveness and healing. I look forward to the day when the tape rolls back on our lives and we can see that our mistakes are erased from the script.

Three years later, what matters now is that everything is completely ok.



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