Friday, November 15, 2013

The Friend Zone

There's something that incredibly irked me that happened several years ago... And yes, sorry, it's more affairs of the heart and that crap.

I really, really, really, really, really, really liked a guy in one of my classes some years ago (Looking in retrospect I crushed on a lot of guys in my General Ed classes - made the necessary evil more interesting). It was such a big deal, my roommates were dying to hear what hilarious conversation this guy and I had - he made our academic lives a lot less dull. The only problem was I thought I just liked him as a rebound until the semester ended. I hopped on a plane and started dating new dudes and I was still thinking about him.

So why do I keep dwelling on this, it is because of a misconstrued, personal conversation that I think he interpreted as "getting friend zoned"when it really meant "thanks for being my friend during this really crappy time in my life" and "thanks for being understanding and sympathetic and deciding you still liked me even when my huge flaw came out." I didn't want him to know my problems because just weeks before a guy I thought I really liked rejected me because I had expressed my frustration about my circumstances.

You know the cliche "Marry your best friend?" I am a firm believer in it. I want my eternal companion to be somebody that I not only romantically schmooze with, but also I want him to be somebody I play, laugh, and have endless years of engaging discussions with so we essentially never get bored. Ever.

When I say "Thanks for always being a great friend," that's codeword for, "Thank you for appreciating my personality and brains, and not just my looks. I like you, let's move forward on this relationship because we have this solid foundation to build off of," not "FRIEND-ZONED."

I basically wrote this guy a note that said, "Thanks for being a great friend," and it was the kiss of death with whatever we had (if we had anything).

In my defense, I don't believe in the zone. I believe in the following zones:

  • The "I definitely don't like you and you creep me out so that's why I'm avoiding you" zone, 
  • The "I don't like you but you're not creepy so I'll be nice" zone,  
  • The "I'm not sure if I like you right now, but if you were assertive and asked me on a date I could be" zone, 
  • And of course - romantic inclinations. 
About 50 percent of men fall in the third zone spoken above - thus why girls will complain about dating, and I think that also explains why men are very confused because the lines get blurred with those two middle zones.

Why do we even have that zone?

Why can't we call it the "Platonic Feelings Zone" or the "Just Being Nice Zone," huh?

Why can't people be lovers and friends, or friends and lovers? Friendship is the fuel for a great relationship.

Anyway, on the spirit of "If it's not ok, it's not over," I want to get this off my chest:

If referred-to man is reading this, I never intended to friend-zone you. I think you were (and are) incredible and regret the wording I used. So. Freaking. Much.

I'm not sure if removing this "platonic zone" between us and getting a second chance is feasible, or desired by the other party, but I still occasionally fantasize of schemes that get us back to talking and laughing like it used to be. Sometimes I imagine schemes even with the awkward 600+ miles in the way now.

So, sorry. It was probably not supposed to be. You got a girlfriend that summer and I got a boyfriend and our lives just moved on. 

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